Psalm 86:13- A Message of Hope

“For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave”- Psalm 86:13
Three years ago, I sat on the edge of my bed at my fathers house, home alone. I stayed home from school that day, complaining to be “sick”. I held a bottle of pills in my hand, thinking to myself, “I could end all this pain now, get it all over with”. I sat there awhile, and finally chickened out, placing the bottle back in the bathroom cabinent.
A few weeks later I attended my youth group’s annual winter camp, after not attending youth group for a few months prior to that. I was still feeling suicidial planning on going home, and taking my life, and just giving up, I was so through with being abused by my father, which left me feeling broken and unloved. After the lesson on Saturday night, we split up into our small groups, and we had our discussion. Everyone walked out except for my best-friend Kyle and I. I told my youth pastor Tim, that I had left youthgroup because I had felt unloved, and just didn’t feel accepted. He responded with “Shayne, we’ve been trying to love you, but you’ve put walls around yourself and won’t let anyone love you. We love you Shayne, I love you.”. I left our meeting room angry with Tim, because I felt that he was wrong and they really hadn’t been loving me. The next morning Tim said to me again, “Shayne, I love you”. God saved my life that weekend. And no matter how bad things have gotten, I have no longer been suicidal.
This past month for me, has been a complete downhill rollercoaster, and i’ve been questioning God a lot and why he’s letting things go this way in my life. But something told me to just randomly open up my bible and read for comfort:
“For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave”- Psalm 86:13
I kinda feel a little dumb after reading that. As i sit here on my bed thinking to myself, i’m doubting God, and yet he is the reason that i’m still here today. How does that work? I feel kinda silly now after reading that.
This day has actually been fine since this morning, yes its only noon, but i’m still hopefull that the rest of the day will be fine. Things may be rough, but I know that I am loved by my Father, Jesus. And he’s the only daddy i’ll ever need…
I hope this encourages and helps someone today. Know that you are loved, and there are open arms waiting with comfort even when you are blind to it…
Opening my Eyes,
Shayne <3