Productive Day :D Making dinner for tonight, got completely caught up on Greys Anatomy, Job Apps, Studying for my history test tommorow, Writing my Grapes of Wrath Essay, and doing some upper body work out, It's a beautiful day ♥

I'm imperfect, I have problems, I have insecurities, I'm human, Some of the past affects the present. Every once in awhile, I need to fall apart, even if all you see is the front.

I'm Building...

……….up the walls again. It’ll save everyone alot of stress and worry. And this time, i’m aware that their going up, and i’m okay with it.

This Morning

I woke up.

I realized how much i’ve truly grown over the past year.

I began to ponder everything that’s going on in my life right now.

Started to feel like I couldn’t do it anymore…

Realized if I made it this far, why can’t I go all the way?

Became determined to live to my full extent, and silence all his words that told me I never could.

Dad,

I am who I am. I’m sorry you can’t accept that. And I hope one day, I’ll realize that it’s okay to stop fighting for your affection. I am determined to be somebody, and from this day forward you are silenced.

Love,
Shayne

I am in the best mood right now, in love with an amazing guy named Jay, so determined to be the best me I can be for those who surround me, and confident that God has a purpose in all of this, and hopefully it can help change broken people’s lives in my youth group.
Good Morning, new me. :)

You Know What

The love of my life is leaving in three months.... and for the first time since he told me.... I'm okay with it.



Because, today as i was realizing its already March 3rd, and he kept asking if I was okay and I said i was fine... And i finally just said "I love you Jay." He gave me this look that was so deep and thoughtful and sinciere and yet contemplative looked me right back in the eyes, kissed me so hard and long that I wanted to gasp for air and said, "I love you too Shayne".



I'm not worried that when he leaves he'll find somebody a lot better than me. I'm not worried that when he leaves he'll fall in love so much with Virginia that he won't want to come back and rescue me. I'm not worried that when he leaves he won't be missing me too. Because when he leaves, he'll have a part of me, and he's chosen to keep it a long long long time till death do us part, and he doesn't want to come back just to return it.


For the first time in months, I feel satisfied.

Working with my Youth Group...

...............makes me feel satisfied. I don't know any other way to explain it. <3

Really Excited

For the future.
And that Tim wants me to sign on as a full time youth leader, and not just part time like I am now, after senior year :)
And that theres a promise ring on my finger, that means more than just a teenage highschool relationship
And that theres this amazing man, whose name is Jesus, and he loves me so deeply that it’s indescribable
And that I have amazing dark red hair that looks like I shouldve been born with it
And that for the first time in a long time, despite the circumstances, I’m excited for something.