Alone In A World Full of People

December 01, 2010

Today. Tommorow. Yesterday. Days. Days are good. Days are bad. Days are mediocre. Days are melancholy. Today was just another day. Nothing special. It's odd if you think about it really how different days can be when all they are really is just one big ticking clock...

I guess I've been noticing lately that I've become distant with everyone lately besides Jay. I wake up, drive with my mom or take the bus to school, go to my classes keep to myself, finish all my homework before classes end. Go to lunch and sit in the library on my laptop organizing pictures and files, check in with my TA period, head home MW and on TTH I catch the bus with Jay on it, and we go hang at my place. If its a wednesday I go to church after, and be the good christian girl, who sings on the worship team, plasters the smile on her face as if I don't struggle with anything at all. On fridays. depending on Jay's schedule I hang out with Jay or Shanon. Saturday is spent cleaning and doing laundry for the week, making sure my grades are up. Sunday I go to church early in the morning so I don't have to be at the house. Then I go to lunch afterwords, and hang and talk and laugh like everythings fine, confining myself inside my flesh. Then the whole proccess starts all over again.

I guess today I thought alot about this because I couldn't go to youth group, due to my choir singing at the Torrance Memorial Christmas Tree Lighting Fair thingy, and I came home and sat around for a few hours thinking what do I do with myself these days? Things have been rough, sure, reallly hard, defenitley, but still even then I was always out and about.

I guess its been a lot of me wanting to just finally grow up, everyone says enjoy high school if you don't you'll regret it, but I feel like an adult locked inside a child's body. I need to work, I need to clean, I want to be married, I want to have children, I want to be taking college courses, I want to be who I really am deep down inside of me. Well I guess thats all I can really vent about... Weird day in all...

Well it's 10:09pm and I'm going to do the adult thing by staying up till midnight so I can clean my bedroom and then possibly make a hot cup of tea since we don't have a coffee maker and I think Starbucks is closed by now..

Nigh Night All.

-Beach Blondie